![]() ![]() No, it’s Life Day, which is a day when Wookies celebrate, yep, you guessed it, LIFE. The “holiday” in the special’s title isn’t Christmas or New Year’s or Kwanzaa or Hanukkah or any silly old earth holiday. Tell me you have ever, in your life, wanted to set fire to something more.Īlright, I guess I should give some backstory, as there is, believe it or not, a plot to this pile of intergalactic garbage. Stop and look at that image to the right. On an annoyance scale, think of Jar Jar Binks and every single Ewok rolled into one, then multiply that nightmare by 3,720. You’ll hate him when he smiles, you’ll hate him when he looks sad, you’ll hate him when he growls, and you’ll hate him when he watches his holographic Cirque de Soleil gymnasts. You think I’m joking, but as you will soon see, I am most definitely not.įinally, and most annoyingly, we have Chewbacca’s son, Lumpy. ![]() He’s a old coot with an unhealthy porn fetish. No, I am not making that up – she is a LIPSTICK WEARING WOOKIE. The more astute amongst you will note she looks just like Chewbacca, with the exception of lipstick. And after watching this entire fiasco, I wish I never did.įirst up, we have Mala, Chewbacca’s wife. We’ll get to all the Love Boat reject guest stars in due time, but right now, I want to discuss the real stars of our show: Chewbacca’s family.īet you didn’t know Chewy had a family. You see, not only are all our old friends here, but we are also introduced to new characters in the Star Wars universe. Seriously, it’s a toss up between her and Drew Barrymore for the coveted “Best Stoned Actress in a Supporting Role in a Crappy Christmas Movie” WrestleCrap Oscar (and yes, before you email, of course the statue depicts a rapping fat man in what appears to be a clown suit)).Īh, but there’s more. …and Carrie Fisher (who looked…well, there’s just no nice way to put this…the poor girl just look absolutely coked out of her mind. …Harrison Ford (looking like he’d be anywhere else in the galaxy)… Mark Hamill (who was wearing so much make up that it appeared he signed a sponsorship deal with Max Factor)… Heck, even the big three put in an appearance: Peter Mayhew was there in his Chewbacca get up, and Anthony Daniels slapped on the gold plates to reprise his C3PO role. It’s not that the actors from the movie weren’t there. It seemed as if Star Wars could do no wrong. Heck, even that horrible Star Wars disco mix (by mega group MECCA) was selling like hotcakes. The first film had shattered every box office record, and fans couldn’t wait for the sequel (which was still two years away). At the time of its first – and ONLY – airing on national television, Star Wars mania was at its zenith. In order to be a Jedi, you got to know how a Jedi walks and talks.There are likely many among you unfamiliar with this forgotten gem, and no doubt some of you are hearing of it for the first time. "I'm in the clouds like my man Calrissian.Lando!" - RZA, Bob N I "The fly guy with the Force like Luke Sky!" - Redman, I Can't Wait "When I pulled out my Chewbacca dick she said CHEWIEEEEE!!" - Psycho Les (Beatnuts), Story 2000 "Let I breathe/ Jedi Knight!" - Jay Z, Change Clothes And Go "Hit em with the Force like Obi" - Biggie, Hypnotize Finally the day came where I could share this! January 2002 I compiled them 'cuz I loved Star Wars and hip hop. I've had these quotes saved in a text file on an old hard drive since. ![]()
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